2008. 8. 10 Rev. Kim, Young Bong

John's Gospel 'Words of Life' (105)
Seeing is Not Always Believing
John 20:24-29 Mark 8:11-13

1.

There was a prodigious painter born in 1571, whose life was cut short in 1610 at the age of 38. His original name was Michelangelo Merisi, but he was better known as Caravaggio, the name of his hometown. Caravaggio is well known for his unique style of painting ? very realistic and the use of extreme contrast of light and darkness. During his prime, he painted many religious pictures by the commission of the Roman Catholic Church. His religious paintings clearly stand out in comparison with other religious paintings, because he didn’t emphasize his characters’ holiness. The Jesus or other men of faith in Caravaggio’s pictures are painted as common as just any passerby we can see on the street.

One of Caravaggio’s religious paintings is “The Incredulity of St. Thomas.” It is a description of the story of Thomas, on which we have been meditating for the last three weeks. Here is the painting.

This is a masterpiece you can’t forget once you see it. The way Thomas puts his index finger deep inside the wound of Jesus’ side is impressive. The expression in the eyes of Thomas as well as the other two apostles as they look at Jesus’ wound is nothing typical. Thomas’ shabby clothes and the blackish dirt in his fingernail that was put inside Jesus’ wound catch our eyes. Jesus’ hand that is holding the wrist of that finger softly, and the deflated expression on Jesus whose head is lowered to one side, make us wonder. The largely dark atmosphere in the entire canvass is also impressive. What in the world did Caravaggio want to tell us through this painting? Looking at this painting overwhelms us with curiosity - curiosity stronger than the curiosity that made Thomas and the two apostles look at the wound of Jesus.

2.

In relation to this picture, we must ponder this. It is that the story of John Chapter 20, Verses 24 through 29 doesn’t correspond with the description of this picture. In this picture, Thomas puts his finger inside Jesus’ wound on His side. However, according to the Gospel of John, Thomas didn’t do that. Before he met with Jesus, he had bragged about it; however, as soon as he stood in front of the resurrected Jesus, he lost his heart to do so. Jesus invited Thomas saying, “Reach your finger here, and look at My hands, and reach your hand here, and put it into My side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing.” But, at that moment, Thomas confessed instead “My Lord and My God.” Nevertheless, Caravaggio depicted Thomas examining Jesus’ body like a medical examiner.

Why did Caravaggio paint that way? Did he misunderstand the story of the Gospel of John? The possibility of that is very little, if any. Great painters study their subjects thoroughly before they set off their work. Any painting finished by a few brush stokes after a casual glance at the subject would not have been left a masterpiece. It’s more likely that Caravaggio painted that way with an intention. His intention seems more conspicuous if we look at it more closely.

Please pay attention to the look on Thomas’ face. What do you read in his expression, whose finger is deep inside Jesus’ wound. Take a closer look.

Please, look at the facial expression of the two other disciples. The surprise is obvious to me. I also see inquisitiveness. In the facial expression of the disciple who is at far right, I read embarrassment or even some feeling of repulsion. Yet, I barely see a miraculous or wondrous expression on the person, who witnessed the miracle. In looking at only Thomas’ expression, the fact is even more obvious.

Indeed, do you think Thomas seemed to confess that “My Lord, my God”, after he pulled out his finger from the Jesus’ wound? In looking at the gloomy atmosphere shown through the whole painting, it doesn’t seem like it. Collectively thinking all these things, in my opinion, I guess Thomas might have nodded his head slantwise and said like this, “Well, I don’t understand. It’s truly the spear mark! I guess what Jesus said that He had been resurrected from the death might be true, but how could this have happened? For I watched with my eyes and touched with my hands, there’s no way to deny it! Oh my, what a mystery!” No matter how hard I look at the painting, he doesn’t seem to confess like this, “Oh, Lord. Now I know truly that you’ve been resurrected. Now I know that you are the Son of God. You are my Lord and my God!”

3.

If my impression is somewhat close to the truth, it’s likely that the true Thomas wasn’t drawn in the picture, but rather Caravaggio drew himself using Thomas as a model. Throughout the drawing, I feel like Caravaggio seemed to draw himself, who couldn’t get rid of his own incredulity, rather than Thomas overcoming incredulity. I guess Caravaggio might have liked to draw his own mind, which still couldn’t believe, although he heard about the Gospel of the resurrection. Through this drawing, he seems to say this, “Even if I touch the body of the resurrected Jesus, I don’t feel like I can believe this!”

He seemed to know how Jesus felt about his incredulity. That feeling is shown in Jesus’ expression. Observe the facial expression of Jesus.

What do you feel? Don’t you feel His disappointment, distress and longing? Don’t you feel as if He says this, “You don’t believe Me, even after touching My wound? What should I do to make you believe?” However, Caravaggio’s Thomas looked away from Jesus’ eyes. It seems like that he was not touching the wound mark to believe, but rather was looking at the wound to avoid Jesus’ eyes.

What sort of person was Caravaggio in real life? He was a “mad artist” who, despite his genius and his talent, was wasted in life with misfortune and tragedy. He had endless troubles due to his strange characteristics ,despite the fame he earned as a painter in Naples, Sicily and Rome. There is no way to find out if he had faith or not, but based on his actions and life’s journey, he does not appear to be a man of faith. After committing a murder in the heat of the moment, he spent the last half of his life as a man on the run to avoid the Vatican’s surveillance. He had endless troubles and fights, and met his tragic end while on the run. He left many religious paintings with his talent and vision as an artist, but as a man he did not appear to have attained faith.

Perhaps that is what attracts the viewer to his religious paintings. He was not a religious man trying to transmit his faith to others through his art. More likely he put his disbelief, his questions and his doubts onto his canvas, as a man unable to believe. It is difficult to feel holiness in his paintings. What was lacking in that painting may have been a refreshing change to those who are accustomed to other religious paintings, and the painting, filled with questions and regrets, may have touched the nerves of viewers.

4.

Although Caravaggio left behind great paintings, he himself was unable to overcome his lack of faith and lived a weary life like that of Thomas in his painting, and may have left this world on a bitter note. His lack of faith, reflected in his painting, may have attracted his viewers, but he himself may have been left in eternal darkness because of his lack of faith. (I say that “he may have been” because one person’s salvation problem cannot be defined by our views, except to say that, based on his circumstances, it is a highly likely event.) As he was working on these religious paintings, how many hours must he have spent on researching the scriptures and struggling to analyze the biblical stories? How frustrating was it then, for him not to benefit from his own struggles?

While meditating over this painting, I asked myself “Why did Caravaggio’s Thomas not attain his faith?” I thought of two reasons. First, Thomas in the painting may have been pouring all his thoughts into verifying by sight and touch what he couldn’t believe. Faith cannot be attained by seeing and touching with our physical being. Think about the famous definition of Faith in the book of Hebrews Chapter 11, Verse 1, which reads “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Faith is to hope for something that is not yet in our hands and to believe something that cannot be verified by sight. Therefore, we cannot attain faith if we try to confirm by touching and seeing with our eyes first.

The other reason is, maybe, because Thomas in the painting was focusing only on Jesus’ wound. He should have taken his eyes away from the wound and looked into Jesus’ eyes. If he did, he would have seen with his mind’s eye the light, the flame of eternal life burning in Jesus’ eyes. In the painting titled “The Incredulity of Thomas” by the painter of sacred icons, Aidan Hart, while Thomas’s hand rests on the wound, guided by Jesus’ hand, Thomas looks into Jesus with his eyes.

The real Thomas was more likely closer to the Thomas depicted in Aidan Hart’s sacred painting. Upon meeting the resurrected Lord, instead of noticing His wounds, Thomas probably did look into His face and examine His eyes. He didn’t examine the wounds with his eyes nor touch them with his hands. He simply looked into His eyes and saw the Son of God with his heart. When he felt in his heart the eternal brilliance that transcended time and place, Thomas confessed spontaneously, “My Lord, my God!”

Upon this reflection, I thought of Thomas in Caravaggio’s painting, of the misfortune of Caravaggio, and wrote these words in my prayer diary:

Not with what we can see with our eyes.
With that, we cannot learn the truth.
With that, we cannot achieve faith.

We must see with our hearts.
What our eyes cannot see,
Our hearts do.
Faith grows only when we see with our hearts.

So, Caravaggio,
Don’t depend on the eyes that rely on those
wounds.
See His face, and not His wounds.
Meet His eyes
And look with your heart.
See the eternity
In His eyes!

Then, you will believe.
Then, you will kneel in His presence and say,
“My Lord, my God!”

5.

Upon hearing Thomas’ confession of “My Lord, my God,” Jesus says to him, “Have you believed because you have seen Me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” We can say that Jesus did not say these words for Thomas, but for those who would later read these words. We can interpret these words as, “Do you plan to believe in Me by seeing? Blessed are those who don’t see Me and yet believe.” Here, “seeing” refers to seeing with your naked eye. It refers to trying to confirm with one’s eyes and touching with one’s hands, in order to believe. But this kind of attitude cannot achieve true faith. In other words, Jesus’ words can be interpreted in this way, “Do you plan to believe by seeing Me? But then, you cannot truly believe.”

True faith comes from seeing with your heart, from understanding with your heart. Even if you were to see with your eyes and touch with your hands, if you don’t ‘see’ with your heart, you would not have faith. The Thomas in Caravaggio’s painting did so. The ‘eye’ in his heart was dark, so what could have been the use to try to see with those eyes? Therefore, “Blessed are those who do not see and yet believe,” can also mean, “Blessed are those who understand me with their hearts and believe.” Those who “do not see and yet believe” refers to those who “see with their hearts.” After Jesus ascended into heaven, no one has seen Him with the naked eye, but there is no end to the number of people who have not seen Him and yet believe, who have understood who Jesus is with their hearts, who have known Him and seen Him and believed in Him.

We must think of today’s other reading in Mark 8:11-13 in this same vein. The Pharisees come to Jesus and ask for a “sign from heaven.” That is, they ask, “If you are truly the Son of God, give us a sign we cannot deny. Then, we will believe.” It is written that Jesus sighs deeply. What could this sigh mean? Because the eyes of their hearts were dark, they were seeking to see with their eyes and touch with their hands. Jesus knew. Jesus knew that even if they were shown a miracle of the creation split into two, they would not believe. Therefore, Jesus answered, “Why does this generation ask for a sign? Truly I tell you, no sign will be given to this generation.”

We must reflect again on Jesus’ words, “No sign will be given to this generation.” These words mean, “As long as the eyes of their hearts are closed, they will not see any signs.” There had already been plenty of signs that Jesus was the Son of God. If they had listened to His words with their hearts, if they had seen His actions with their hearts, if they had met Him with their hearts, they would have known who He was. The problem was not that there was no sign to see but that the eye of the heart, which could see the signs, was blind. The problem lay in their hearts, which declared that they could not believe without seeing.

The thinking, “I cannot believe” often comes from the thinking, “I do not want to believe.” In proposing questions about faith, many declare, “I want to believe, but I cannot believe because of these questions.” At a glance, it may seem so, but in actuality, they are deceiving themselves as well as others.

In many cases, if we go deep down in their subconsciousness, the reason for their doubt is their decision not to believe. It is because they are afraid of the change that will follow believing in Jesus. It is because of the fear, if they truly believe, that they might have to give up what they have enjoyed so far. That’s the reason why the Pharisees asked Jesus for a more obvious sign. Jesus knew that they had firmly decided not to believe already.

6.

My beloved congregation, how about ourselves? How are our hearts? I have been telling you in the last two sermons, based on the story of Thomas, that asking a question as a truthful seeker helps us reach true faith. But, we have to be very careful about one thing. We must realize that all our questions are not coming from truthful seekers’ hearts. Some questions come out from the desire of showing one’s intelligence. Some questions are used to disguise a deep-rooted stubbornness not to believe. When we become deceived by such questions, we not only increase our own disbelief, but we cause others disbelief, far from reaching true faith. If we handle the root of the doubt incorrectly without truly understanding it, we will face serious difficulties due to that doubt.

What we need is the passion for true faith, not doubt. The realization that who I am now is not enough; the realization that what we can see and touch is not enough; the realization that my life is not whole as it is; the realization that there’s no real solution but to depend on a being who is not myself; the realization that, even if running into that being will totally turn my life upside down, there is no other hope; the holy passion coming from all these realizations; the passion for meeting someone true and eternal despite any changes or sacrifices ? we need that passion. Without it, no matter how much doubt we have, no matter how long we debate, it would be a waste of time.

A truthful seeker reads with sincerity, with such passion. Reading the word of God with piety, on our knees, is the same as gazing into Jesus’s eyes. A truthful seeker looks at the cross with this kind of passion. Looking at the cross, thinking about Jesus’s life, death and resurrection, is the same as gazing into His eyes. A truthful seeker prays with such ardor. Through prayers, he seeks to meet with the Lord who is with him in the form of spirit. That’s how we gaze into His eyes. A truthful seeker longs for worship and participates in worship with this passion. Offering a worship service with truthful spirit and sincerity is like gazing into the eyes of our Lord. A truthful seeker, with such passion, loves the people he meets. Looking into the eyes of brothers and sisters with a heart full of love is the same as gazing into the eyes of the Lord.

Even a truthful seeker faces doubt once in a while. To resolve the doubt, he might search for evidence with his eyes or dig up the evidence with his fingers. To solve the doubt, he questions, answers, discusses, and researches. However, he cannot reach faith only by doing so. Just like the Thomas in Aidan Hart’s sacred painting, who puts his hand on Jesus’ wound while gazing into His eyes, a truthful seeker looks at Jesus with the eyes of his heart, as he doubts, questions, debates, and searches. He gazes into the eyes of the Lord, by meditating, praying, worshipping, and loving brothers and sisters. Then, he will find a hill of eternity and end up confessing, “My Lord and my God.”

Only this confession leads us to the hill of eternity where the Lord Jesus is. That’s the salvation we are longing for. I pray so sincerely that God’s grace for salvation be with every one of you and myself.

Oh, Lord,
Give us the heart.
The desire to meet You,
To be held by You,
And to be used for You.
Give us the longing.
With that passion, let us see the truth.
With that passion, let us see You, Lord.
Amen.