Most of the time they are struggleing to be independent and to fit in at school, at home, and witht fridnds. Keep in mind that helping your preteen/teens to become an adult takes time, patience, and a commitment. There is no such thing as an instant adult !!!
아이들의 struggle은 어른이 되어가는 아픔입니다… 안타깝게도 대신 해줄 수가 없네요… 건강한 어른으로 클 수 있도록 도와주시고 넉넉하게 기다려주세요. 혼자는 힘들죠? 그래서 공동체가 필요한게 아닐까요?
<Tips for Parents>
• Let your preteen/teen knows that you love him or her no matter what. Preteens/teens need a trusting & loving relationship with a parent or other adult to feel safe and secure. (이렇게 말해보셨나요? "네가 어떤 모습이든 엄마는 널 사랑해. 네 모습 그대로…”)
• Talk to your preteen, listen to his or her ideas and opinions, and do things together. (하고 싶은 이야기, 잔소리 진짜 많으시죠? 그런데, 먼저 들어주세요.)
• Get to know your preteen's friends and learn what they do in school; it helps you understand your preteen even better. (사춘기가 되면 친구가 누구인지 알기가 쉽지않죠. 말을 안하니까... project가 있다면 집을 열어서 아이를 불러주시고, ride를 하면서 눈여겨 보세요. 그냥 친구에 대해 물으면 그럴껄요? "엄마는 모르는 애야."^^)
• Join a parent group or support group where you and other parents can discuss parenting issues. (다른 부모님과 만나는 모임에 참석하기 – 우리 아이만 그렇다고 자기 연민에 빠져 울거나 절망하지 마세요. 혼자가 아니랍니다 !!!)
• Teach your preteen to respect himself or herself and others. (먼저 아이를 존중해줄 때 아이가 존중받는 것을 배웁니다. "너는 어떻게 생각해?"라고 먼저 물어주세요. )
• Challenge your preteen to discover his or her own incredible potential. (스스로 하게 해서 실수 할 수 있고, 실수를통해 배울 수 있도록 도와주세요. 나중에 아이들이 세상에 나가서 "이건 내가 옛날에 엄마랑 살 때 실수해봤던거고, 그래서 배운거지... 라고 말할 것입니다.)
• Show your preteen that you are proud of his or her accomplishments, both large and small. (잘한 것에 돋보기를 들이대시고 칭찬하기. 성적표에서는 왜 “B’나 "C'가 먼 먼저 눈에 들어오는지 모르겠어요. 먼저 “A”를 거론하고 칭찬해주세요)
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